During
one trip into the desert sand dunes, I find a skeleton down an isolated dry
wash. It isn’t the first skeleton I have
found in the desert, but I hope that it'll be the last. Strange thing about this skeleton; it isn’t a
human skeleton. It's
man shaped, if a little small. It has
been wind blasted, but not too bad. The
head is way too big. The eye sockets are
also too big. The skeleton seems
complete (as far as I know.) Apparently,
the desert critters didn’t mess with it.
Desert critters will eat almost anything, because life is hard out in
the sand dunes. Apparently, this
skeleton was too strange even for the desert critters.
I bury
the poor fella; or maybe it was a girl, I don't know. What I don’t bury is the gear that the
skeleton has stored in some sort of synthetic, leather like pouch. The pouch has been buried in the sand under
the skeleton and it's still sealed. I
take the pouch home with me.
When I
get the pouch home, I open it up to see what it might contain. I don't know what to expect, it probably
being alien and all. However, the pouch
contains a computer. It's some sort of
laptop computer, but different from anything that I have ever seen before. (I have an old laptop that I sometimes use to
set up an engine fuel injection system for a customer, so I'm a bit familiar
with computers.)
The
original battery in the alien computer is long gone. However, I start by applying a low voltage
and work at it for a bit, gradually increasing the voltage. It takes some time, but I find out what
voltage level works and then I boot the machine up! There are a number of small metal (I think?)
disks in a compartment in the computer.
When I insert a disk in a slot in the computer, most of the disks pull
up some kind of foreign language screen that I can’t read. One of the disks pulls up some kind of little
talking beastie that looks maybe like an alien squirrel, or whatever.
The
little beastie will say something, then point to or act out what he has just
said. It's like a kindergarten class for
alien kids. Maybe some kinda kiddy encyclopedia, who knows?
I
figure that, if an alien kid can learn from it, so can I. I mean, me being a high school dropout and
all, I won’t have much to unlearn. I
think I'll just give it a try for a day or two and see what I can learn.
Well,
I do learn, but the learning process takes me all my spare time for several
years. I work my way from alien
kindergarten through alien high school.
Sometimes I think my head will split open from all the information I'm
packing inside, but I keep at it.
The
first thing I learn to do, from the computer, is to speak, write and read the
alien language. I have to do that, since
everything in the computer is in the alien language. However, the alien language is really very
simple. There are rules. Everything follows every rule. The alien language might have seemed odd to
you, but remember; I never finished school.
I didn’t have much to unlearn and I make progress pretty rapidly.
Although
simple to learn, the alien language is powerful. After I learn alien, I find myself thinking
in alien and then translating to English.
The alien language is so much more powerful, that I can see the flaws in
the design of English and wonder how I ever managed to think in English at all.
I
learn simple but useful things from the computer disks. I learn how finance and business work. I learn simple math, engineering and
physics. Well, the science stuff is
simple for aliens, however, it's way ahead of anything
they ever offered me back in school.
Hell, it's even way ahead of what I have learned on the job. As a result of my learning, I add some nifty
new things to my Desert Invader transmissions.
After
I learn to read alien, I find some sort of alien fix it manual on one of the
disks. It describes a simple fluid
control valve. I do a records search and
I find that the alien valve is far ahead of anything the patent office has on
file.
I go
back and use my newly acquired math to develop the design of the fluid control
valve. I then built prototypes. The prototypes work, just as advertised in
the alien fix it manual and far ahead of anything here on Earth. Since I understand the theory of what I'm
doing, I can get a patent. The first
alien technology patent is hard for me and takes several tries, but after that,
the process is easy.
I find
more alien designs in the computer disks and I get myself another patent or
three and then I send out fliers to several industrial companies that might
just use my newly patented devices. (I
have a couple of patents on my Desert Invader transmissions, from before I
found the alien computer, and I have learned a little bit, mostly all bad,
about dealing with big corporations.)
I get
visits from several corporate sharpies who are willing to give me a whole, bright,
shiny new quarter for my ‘clever, but relatively useless device.’
Did I
mention that the alien high school courses contain some business and finance
classes? Well, I'm able to fend off the
first wave of corporate sharpies. Now, I
did maybe make a mistake or two. (It
turns out that, for whatever reason, you should never start a business
conversation with, “Look, you cheap bastard ...”) Despite my mistake, the business people keep
coming, as I knew they would.
Despite
my rough edges, I finally get someone who's willing to pay me real US dollars
for my designs. Well, willing is
something of an overstatement. However,
the cheap bastards eventually pony up the kind of cash the designs are
worth. I do feel kind of bad, as several
of the corporations that buy my patents are going to go out of business and
turn their employees and families on the street to starve; all because of my
greed. (Turns out, the cheap bastards
may have been exaggerating just a little bit and maybe more than a little
bit. I kinda
decide that when the same corporate sharpies come back, more than once.)
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