Chapter 1
The icy black water hit me like a cold body slam. I
rolled over and over, panicked in the dark with blind-folded eyes and air bubbles
frothing around my ears. Which way was up? I had no idea. You know, the experts
always tell you the bubbles go up, but in the inky blackness it's all up...or
down, or sideways.
My hands were tied, but I could kick some with my
feet. One foot struck the hard edge of a slippery ledge. Okay, maybe that way
was down...or sideways. I felt for the rocky ledge, crouched, gathered myself in
a ball, and pushed off.
I'd guessed right; the surface came with a rush. I
managed to suck in a quick gasp of air. I shook off the bath towel the bastards
had taped around my head for a make-shift blindfold, and saw the dark line of
the shore directly in front of me-and the black outline of my two assailants
standing there, laughing like I was some new electronic sports game and
expectantly hopeful I would sink out of sight, never to be seen again. I kicked
desperately and shook my head, an attempt to clear the water from my ears.
"What shall we do, do you think?" I heard the one
on the left say, as if they were discussing dinner plans or who might take out
the garbage. Yeah, that's me, the garbage.
"I say pop him," the one on the right replied.
"No, no, no. He's too close to shore. He'll just
drift back in."
"Well now, old chap, I could not disagree more. After
all, he'll drift, either way."
Wait a minute. What the hell was I doing here? Me,
Matthew Havoc. Okay, they call me Hollywood Havoc, but this is way past some of
the minor schemes and scrapes I get into. I am a small-time Hollywood movie
producer. Small beans, very little sauce. I work for Berger Royal, and we do
schlock movies. We don't even own our own stages, for Christ's sake; we rent
space on the Raleigh lot below Sunset in what is affectionately known as 'Old
Hollywood'. And I certainly wasn't here to star as the drowning man in my own
movie.
"Wait," I gasped in a bubbly, confused shout. "It's
not my fault. I don't really pick the scripts!" That was a lie, of course. At
least, part a lie. I do help pick the scripts. Okay, I'll admit it. If anybody
deserves to be shot for producing imitative, cheese-ball movies, it is me.
Oh, oh! I see a yellow flash and the sharp bark of
a pistol. Jesus H. Christ! The crazy-ass mudder-humpers are shooting at
me! Why can't they just get their refund at the box office? Yeah, I know. This
isn't about the movies. This is too serious. This is attempted murder. Hell,
this is about to be my murder. But making movies has been my life and I
can't figure out what else it could be. I pay my taxes, I don't do dope, I
don't have any powerful enemies. Another quick gulp of air and I kick down and
away. The dark water wraps icy fingers around me, and I do my best to put
distance between the shore and myself. My arms, of course, are useless, bound
the way they are. By now, I'm desperate for air. I force myself, I kick, kick,
kick, giving it that old Havoc try, even though I can feel the burning pain
surge through my lungs.
But the gods are smiling on me, at least to the
extent that there is a favorable undertow, and this time when I come to the
surface there is about ninety feet between me and my two friends, the
nonchalant shooters making a game out of taking me out. Just ninety feet, the
distance from home plate to the pitcher's mound. Still, better than nothing.
"Oh, sporting chance!" the one waving the pistol
says.
`"Allow me. I'm the better shot," the other
replies, and they grapple for it.
"No, idiot. I am."
They're wrestling over the pistol, and I judge that
to be a good thing. I gulp air and pump my feet while they amiably wrestle for
the right to kill me.
I shouldn't have to repeat that I don't deserve
this. But they're not listening, and my complaints aren't true in the first
place. Off-hand, I can think of a dozen reasons you should find some slow and
horrible way to kill me. Look, if you're going to shoot me for anything, it
should be that doomed scene in Dragonfly Madness where the fake model
helicopter (possessed by demonic influences) comes down on Metropolis like a
limp beetle. On the other hand, I didn't have the budget to do anything better,
and we had to finish the picture or lose a payment, and we at Berger Royal
never miss our play dates or our pay dates. Or maybe you might want to send me
to the torture chamber for that rotten tomato film we did called Klish Clash,
with its garbage can lid musical numbers, one of our few attempts at social
parody. The miserable failure of these individual productions aside, I stand
accused-and rightly so-of living for my job, but there have been times when
I've thought it's a great job. I'm assistant jack-of-all-trades to the great
Hollywood mogul of crap B-movies, the one and only Vincent Berger, known in the
trade as Slick Vinnie or Vinnie-the-Cheap. To me he's just Vinnie, a skin-flint
at spending money on his pictures and a heart of gold for every sob-story
starlet who comes his way.
I'm Matt Havoc, Hollywood Havoc, the solver of all
problems cinematic, the sho-biz guy who gets things done. They should
give out an honor like that at ShoWest. Maybe they would from now on, in honor
of me and my watery death.
Flashes from the pistol are starting up again, so I
gulp more air and head back down to my bad ending. My enemies in the business
will tell you I deserve this.
They say the life I lead is crap, and that the
movies I help turn out are basically stupid and unwatchable. I will admit this
much: At Vinnie's shop, Berger Royal Pictures, we create nothing but low-budget
exploiters. Yes, that's what we do, and we're the very best at it, and there's
a market for it. Come on, I'm supposed to be ashamed for making a living? As
Vinnie's fond of saying, Art, schmart, who gives a fart?
As I am down there underwater thinking these and
similar thoughts, I somehow come out of my confusion long enough to allow the
immediate panic to subside. My lungs, I realize, aren't actually bursting and I
can probably go a ways before I have to surface again. Yes, it is dark and cold
and scary, but as I kick along, I try to review how I could possibly have gotten
into this mess. How did I, the cleverest low-budget guy in Hollywood, a guy who
can create budgets as if by magic, dodge location fee cops, satisfy cast sexual
appetites (My black book is legendary), find free parking and feed a cast and
crew on the run, ever allow something this stupid to happen?
Earlier in the afternoon, just a few hours before,
I'd been in Little Saigon looking for locations for a new picture that wasn't
even green-lighted. I didn't find anything half-way decent or even exciting
enough to snap a digital, and I'd driven back south to Newport Beach where I
lived. I was returning to my condo, absent-mindedly ambling along the short
gray cobblestone walkway that I share with my long-time neighbor Bertrand
Burke, semi-affectionately known as 'Old Bertie' or 'Old Grampers,' when out of
the corner of my eye I noticed the shattered frame of the old coot's front
entrance, the opening where his sturdy door used to be. For a moment the image
didn't compute, and then I had what the Hollywood story guys call the bad
inkling, the hero's first hint that things are not quite as they should be.
Let me move this along and try to sum it up here
for you before I drown. I'm a thirty four year old journeyman Hollywood
producer. I can do-have to do-everything. I know how to write and direct. I've
been called on to shoot film when the cinematographer gets the runs or the flu
or doesn't come back from a hot weekend in Acapulco. Yes, I am the complete
film maker, a MacGyver of the silver screen, the guy who pulls off the
impossible shots with bubble gum and a ball of yarn. You know, My mind is
the secret weapon. Well, enough of that. Obviously, it isn't, or I wouldn't
be here, sinking to the bottom of the bay. Let's get back to more Hollywood
gossip about me.
I am divorced, a half-dozen or so years ago, from a
self-absorbed, gum-chewing, teenage vixen...at least, that's who she was when we
took our vows. I guess I knew. Like the country-western ballads lament, What
was I thinking? Actually, I wasn't thinking, at least, not with my brain.
It was one of those spur-of-the-moment Hollywood weddings doomed to failure
from the first...well, read the gossip rags while you're standing in line at the
supermarket, you know how it goes in flickerville. Still, ours wasn't your usual
bang-and-run story. We were actually destroyed by success...hers, not mine. Soon
after our wedding, the career of the lady of my affections began to blossom,
and she forthwith lifted herself like a gaudy hot air balloon right past my
cheapie movies to her present rarified altitude as one of America's most ogled
and highly paid set of tits available on the silver screen, that is, short of
triple-X. Today she's known as Joy Benefeté, but when I first knew her she was
Madge Sacknall, an auburn-haired theater and drama major with a great body and
a wicked grin, a gorgeous starlet who couldn't sing a single note on key. Not
that she didn't try, but it was painful. I affectionately called her Peanuts,
and in the beginning I was glad of the singing because it meant she wasn't
perfect. The other cracks in the dam showed up a little later.
Okay. Another gulp of air, another glimpse at my
story. About the time Peanuts married me, fat, bald, Big Vinnie introduced her
to fat, bald, little Super-Agent Harry "Horny" Hyatt. It was Christmas, and
Vinnie was in one of his magnanimous moments. However, since Berger Royal
Pictures had been the kiss of death for many a young starlet, Horny's HHH
Agency repaid the favor by christening her Joy Benefeté and moving her out of
our shop.
Of course, Vinnie resented the move. He thought of
Berger Pix as one of the few training grounds for greatness, and maybe he was
right. If Steve McQueen could rise above his performance in The Blob, Peanuts
ought to be able to gain artistic recognition with the lead role in Mission
998, a hot babes in wet T-shirts in outer space spectacular we had planned for
her. Vinnie was moved to righteous indignation. He would have loved to squeeze
another picture or two out of that magnificent set before she moved them on to
the silk and caviar mob.
I'm not the best judge of these things, having
lived too close to the feisty fact of Peanuts in person, and there may have
been a certain sense in which you might call my ex-wife morally weak, perhaps
lacking in strength of character-but you would never call her weak-willed or
without purpose. Strong as iron comes to mind. Relentless and even reckless in
pursuit of her career, certainly. She knew what she wanted, and she knew how to
get it. That made me something of a way-station on her golden path.
When Horny Hiatt told her she was ready to walk
around the next bend, she believed it. And the rest of our relationship was Extra-Extra
history, that is, food for the paraparazzi, Extra Extra and The Insider.
Madge Sacknall emerged from her cocoon as the beautiful, generally nearly-naked
butterfly Joy Benefeté. Her exit from Berger Royal Pictures and my bedroom was
followed by her steady and relentless climb to a sort of lower rung stardom.
Cheap, that is to say, because my ex-wife became known and appreciated for the
lift, weight and luminosity of her perfect breasts, rather than for her acting.
And frankly, I believed that was unfair; I knew her better than most, and I saw
that, somewhere inside all those curves, that wicked smile, and her devious,
unrelenting thirst for stardom, my girl Peanuts really had acting ability. How
much, I wasn't sure. But the director in me sensed something there that went
considerably beyond the luminosity of the flesh.
I told her just that, a time or two, but by then it
was too late. She said things like, I was just trying to hold her back. I
was cruel, uncaring, selfish. And, to tell the truth, after a few months of
that, I gave up trying to make a go of it. I had my own grueling schedule.
Schlock films wait for no man. Things having become what they had, the two of
us were less and less an item around town. Busy lives, separate directions. We
drifted apart and separated after a year or two, but we didn't seem to get
around to the divorce until a half dozen years later, and when it finally happened
it was almost an afterthought. She'd been about to dive into matrimony in the
classic Hollywood manner, tying a hasty knot (not unlike we ourselves had, but
this time) with some dark-haired and flashing-eyed Italian cinematic
heartthrob. And then the Enquirer took an interest, researched the files and
found out she was still technically married to me. As they say in the
turning-point scene where the complication becomes clear, Oh, oh.
Give me a moment here; oxygen seems to be at a
premium. A few kicks, another gulp of air, a few more flashes from the now
receding shore. Okay. Better now. On with the narration: Long time before, my
father, Jack Havoc, was in the film business, too, but he worked for the studios,
and he had better credits than I do. Vinnie had known him, and that's how I
landed my first job, running myself ragged as Vinnie's go-fer, back when I was
just out of film school.
Let me tell you about Vinnie Burger. Yes, he's that
important. Vinnie, himself, is a larger-than-life personality. He tops over six
foot five inches. He carries an enormous girth, and an ability to be amused in
the direst of circumstances, and an even bigger talent for squeezing production
money out of hitherto untapped sources. Greece. Romania. South Africa. A giant
used car dealership in Pomona. All this, combined with a huge appetite for
spending his production monies on Bentley sports cars, big sailing boats, and
lavish gifts for wannabe starlets he finds...well, everywhere. Yes, he spends on
those splendid luxury items rather than on the production itself, and with my
help, he manages to hide the financial drain. Our movies look decent on paper
but for these and other reasons turn out to be potboilers that play in the last
three or four drive-in theaters in Canada and Mexico and then ship directly to
Hong Kong, Seoul and Jakarta. Vinnie's a rogue-but he's got a sense of honor,
life alternately outrages and amuses him and, as had my father before me, I
have the bad judgment to like him very much.
I guess I am drifting here, things getting a little
fuzzy. I don't see the light yet, though. Jennifer Love Hewlett, the lady who
wears those skimpy negligees on Ghost Whisperer, says that when you see the
light you are to go for it, and then I guess you pass through the veil or something
and you're dead but happy. I was thinking maybe you don't see the light if
you're headed to hell, and, after all, only dogs and Oscar Winners actually go
to heaven.
Right, right, my story in a martini glass...let's see
if I can gulp it down, get through it before I'm fish food. After over a decade
of doing hard time as Vinnie's right hand man, I've arrived to where I'm
pulling down the producer or co-producer credit on almost every miserable,
rotten film we do. It's a little strange, because I always thought the
producer's title would be the end of the world for me, my golden ticket. But
when you do successful B movies, that isn't necessarily so. Lately what the
literary novelists call malaise has set in on my normally indomitable
spirit. I find that more and more I want to write, not just screenplays but
short stories and novels. Less crap, more meaning.
I even daydream of retiring from my career as the
clever slave-laborer who cleans up Vinnie's messes. In my dreams the serious
people, those who make their way in the world of real ideas and literature,
take me seriously. I don't have shouting matches over putting the key light at
boob level, I have conversations about literature and art, and a New York agent
who doesn't always ask Okay, guy, how many sex scenes we got here?
I know you're not asking, but in case you were,
Sure, Hollywood agents love me, at least the lesser known ones do (Dogs are
even attracted to guys who have smaller yummies to hand out). But in my dreams,
I'm a long way removed from here-no, not underwater-far removed from my current
position as co-captain at the helm of inconsequential Berger Royal bubbles of
action/adventure and pot boiling sexual fantasy. You've got it by now-I'm lost
in what Vinnie calls the Fairyland of Tits & Ass, the land where sex, dope
and even blurbs in the Hollywood Reporter can be negotiated for a screen credit.
That means, of course, the immortal soul (or at least the carefully hoarded
life savings) of a famous used car dealer in Pacoima may be sold for a name
above the title. I know where I want to end up, and this is not it.
Enough about me. After all, I'm drowning here. You
can read the obit in The Hollywood Reporter. On the other hand, I'm sure
Bertrand Berke, my neighbor, is the one who got me into this. Old Bertie's your
ordinary, garden-variety, querulous semi-retired old fart living on a fixed
income of maybe slightly larger than normal proportions. I would cast Walter
Matthau, if he hadn't already walked happily into the light. I may sound cruel,
but I like Bertie too, more than I will ever admit in his presence. In a way,
for him it's all over, his life is a finished history rather than any blank new
pages to be filled. At least, that's what I thought, up until this afternoon.
Ironic, isn't it? I'm the guy drowning here and I'd been thinking Old Bertie
was the gone goose.
A widower for the last five of his 80 years,
Bertrand's backed away from his middle-aged twin sons, who nearly
simultaneously decided to go for the gay life, though not with each other. Not
that they didn't fool around, but they never made it official. That would have
killed Old Grampers on the spot. The twin pervs, Bertrand calls them, trying
for light-hearted malice. Back when he first got the bad news, he recoiled like
a man with a couple of spiders in his soup. Today, the twins are out of range,
both drifting quietly along in long-term relationships somewhere on the East
Coast. Or at least that's the going story, and as The Man Hemingway would say,
it would be pleasant to assume so. You wouldn't think Bertrand was a person who
could get himself tangled in a dangerous and deadly mess and then pull me in
with him-but real life has an enormously unpredictable plot-line, have you
noticed?
I cannot recall how many times in the early morning
I'd be staggering in from pulling a post-production all-nighter at MatchFrame
or Pacific Video, and Old Bertie would be out there in front of his condo in
his multi-colored Bermuda shorts and Wall Street Journal T-shirt, the one with
the spotty white bleach stains. Like as not, he'd be staring up at the gutters,
cursing the pigeons or the bats. Some decades before, he'd invested in a
clothing company appropriately named Crazy Wear, and he had stacks of cardboard
boxes in his garage crammed full of gaudy clothing you couldn't even sell for
profit in third world countries that had never heard of Ralph Lauren or Hugo
Black. Lord knows he'd tried.
"Paper in the banana tree again?" I'd ask. But no,
this time it was the bats.
"Bats are filthy creatures, Matthew Havoc.
Pestilence. Spawn of the devil. And it's not a banana tree, it's a
bird-of-paradise gone wild."
"You think all plants would go wild if you didn't
drench them in Miracle-Gro."
That's all it took. Old Bertie would launch from
there, selecting from his list of the many things large and small that provoked
him, sputtering about cruel and unusual property taxes, the growing hordes of
greedy wetbacks up from every province in Mexico to take California back, and
the inferior quality of the potted plants the condo gardeners-notice the sneaky
bastards all speak Spanish when nobody is looking-stick in our front
flowerboxes to mark the passing seasons (Coral, cream and light-purple
geraniums in February and orange and yellow-and-brown chrysanthemums in August,
Southern California being a two-season place).
"Right, Bertrand," I would say. "You got a point
there."
"Jesus-God-Damn right, I do," he would agree,
grumbling as he moved off to water his spindly over-fertilized citrus tree with
a garden hose.
I'm too busy to be Mister Nice Guy, but I found it
impossible to ignore the crusty old fellow who, in all fairness, had to walk
around the heavy stacks of film cans, video cassettes and scripts that FedEx
dumped at my doorstep on a fairly regular basis. I don't think Bertrand minded,
because it was some proof that I did real work, though I think he assumed I was
more responsible for the shipment, rather than the creation of, the films and
videos inside the parcels.
And, yes, I knew him to a greater degree than I'm
saying. At Bertrand's insistence, we had a procedure in case of his business
emergencies, and once I'd even had the chance to put it to the test. He was in
Mexico City when a man called from Brazil, desperately needing a bid on a
mobile X-ray unit. I tried to get through to Bertrand, but you know the
South-of-the-Border telephone system. Hey, the guy needed a bid, and he needed
it right away. I made up a page of numbers, figuring a piece of machinery like
that being mobile and all might cost about as much as a six or seven minute
Willie Nelson music video or a short but highly sensuous promo film for my ex-wife's
latest ode to nubility.
I must have been in the ballpark, because the guy
gave Uni-Amer Industries that particular piece of business, though for the next
six months Bertrand was griping about the size of the kickback. I guess he was
grateful-he gave me a watch that told time in three zones, something he got for
Christmas from a Norwegian shipping company.
"Set it for Tokyo and Singapore," he advised, "any
hour of the day you could know what those tricky damn foreign skunks is up to."
Before he left town this last time, he'd switched
his incoming faxes over to my machine, so all I had to do was glance at
them...that is, when I remembered, and for a long time it was mind-numbing stuff
about the functionality of the AZ-37 desktop radiation mode, or the exact
dimensions of the trundle bed carrier, that uncomfortable cot-on-wheels that
people laid down on before they got swung under Madame Curie's invention for
peeking at bones.
And now somebody had broken down his door. I
suppose I should have quietly tiptoed inside my own place and called the gate
guards the minute I saw it, but curiosity got the best of me. That's the
problem with us movie guys. We always want to know the whole story. I walked up
to the door and gave a little push. But, instead of opening, it came off its
remaining hinge and toppled over with a crash. There was a sudden rustle from
the spare bedroom that Bertrand had converted into his office, and before I could
retreat, two men came out and surrounded me with their extremely persuasive selves.
Their complexions were black as midnight onyx. They
wore shiny business suits that I would have chosen as wardrobe for the
successful gangster-businessmen from Hong Kong in Klish Clash, one of the
countless Vinnie Berger chop-sockies, that is, the cheapie martial arts films
that were among the Berger Royal staples. These black-as-onyx guys had broad
shoulders and a collective scowl on their faces.
"Are, perhaps, you Bertrand, himself?" the one on
the left said, giving me a little push for emphasis.
"Noooo..." I said uncertainly, pressing for time to
think of something clever, or at least get my gears in reverse so I could motor
on out of there. I started babbling as I tried to back out the way I'd come in.
"Bertrand, himself, is an octogenarian with a bad temper. That's obviously not
me. I'm not even 35. And I'm fairly even-tempered. You have to be, in my
business. Say, did you guys see who broke in here?"
I thought I'd leave them an out, they could say
they'd seen a white guy in a funny hat running away, but even that last was the
wrong question, at least, coming from me. As it would turn out, there were no
right questions.
Skin tones on Negroes in America tend to shades from
light peach to cherry red and various shades of chocolate brown. Not on these
guys; these were blue-black men from the old country, men so dark there was a
depth and a luster to their skin that made it shine like polished hardwood.
Really, although it is quite beautiful, skin like that will give a lighting
director the fits. Even the newest fine grain 35mm can't stand the contrast
between an ebony sheen like that and, say, the whites of the eyes and teeth,
and no matter what the film schools tell you, video isn't any better.
"No, why do you say that about breaking in?" The
first one asked. The annoyance was apparent in his voice.
"This door was hanging open from before we happened
here," the other said with a sly half-smile. He looked like the wolf about to
jump Little Red Riding Hood.
"Ahh, yes, right. We thought our dear friend, Mr.
Bertrand Burke, might be injured," the first added helpfully. "So, of course,
we entered this domicile to come to his aid and rescue."
"Bertrand isn't here," I said. "He's away on
business."
I don't like crowds in the first place, and these
unpleasant refugees from GQ Africa were pressing in too close for my comfort
level. Heavy scent of Old Spice trying unsuccessfully to overcome body odor,
and all that. Nothing an occasional shower couldn't handle, but that wasn't the
point. Far worse for my particular situation, the shared entranceway to our
condos was isolated from the general view.
In hindsight, I see I should have been a little
more concerned a lot sooner, but Sea Garden Cove is a quiet, gate-guarded
enclave. We don't encounter real trouble, situated as we are, a half-mile
inland from the spangled neon glitz of the Coast Highway. Our gate guards
aren't much, but in general their obdurate presence is enough to discourage the
garden variety of local evils like Jehovah's Witnesses and grade school kids
selling overpriced milk chocolate bars with almonds.
"Can you tell us, perhaps, where Mr. Burke has
gotten himself off to?" the guy on the right asked. They both were broad-shouldered
and athletic looking, but shorter than I was, and I'm barely six feet in my
stocking feet.
"Well," I said doubtfully, "He said something about
Budapest."
"Budapest!" They gave each other a startled look
and then glared at me. I could see further conversation would be required.
I brought it on with a rush.
"Come to think about it, guys, I'm not sure he
actually went to Europe...Bertrand is an import-export guy. He goes everywhere,
but, as he works for himself, he doesn't report to anybody, and when he does
say where he might be going he's not very big on the details."
That explanation didn't really seem to satisfy,
either.
"So, then, inform us. Where are the actual business
offices of Mr. Bertrand Burke?"
What a snappish little dictator! We could have used this fellow
in Klish Clash, where we'd been panned for lack of authenticity. There was a
big scar authentically indenting the bridge of his nose. I wondered how he'd gotten
it. The only explanations I could come up with were unpleasant. Of course,
there I was again, type-casting.
"Yes. Yes, precisely where are they?" the other
added like an evil echo. "The offices of Mr. Bertrand Berke of Uni-Amer
Industries?"
Maybe it was my overactive imagination, but I
sensed an arch indifference and the hint of a foreign accent in their voices. I
was just meat to these guys-they were treating me like I was playback from the
dead. I thought their speech pattern might be French Colonial rather than
German or English, but I'm not really an expert in that sort of thing. In the
Berger Royal school of low-budget filmmaking, we go for broad impressions
rather than literal accuracy.
"Here." I replied simply. "Right here, where you're
standing. This is the broken doorway of Bertrand Berke and these are the
offices of Uni-Amer Industries, LLC, Excellence in X-ray Exports."
"Impossible!" The wide black man on the left looked
around skeptically, as if Old Bat-brain Bertie might be hiding under the fallen
door, or in the nearby hall closet. "I say, I mean to ask you, Where are the
actual offices of Uni-Amer Industries?"
It's always hard when dreams come crashing down to
meet reality. I don't know what these guys expected, but Bertrand's little
shell of a company certainly wasn't it.
"I thought you just asked that?"
The fellow gave me a glare that would have crushed
an ordinary mortal, but, of course, I'm on the low end in show biz and I take a
lot of crushing. But I didn't need my directorial genius to recognize the
increasing coldness in his voice and the dark granite set of his chin. He
wasn't asking, he was demanding.
"Hey, don't shoot the messenger," I said.. "This is
Uni-Amer, and it's not my fault they don't have a pretty secretary, but with
cut-rate shipping, this is what you get. Bertrand works out of this condo,
right here where he lives."
I suppose I should have been more on my guard;
after all, tricky and unexpected things are always happening in our flicks,
which are invariably full of heart-thumping action even if they come up lacking
in motivation or real meaning-not that Big Time Hollywood does much better with
three times my crew, four times as many shoot days and a hundred times my puny
budgets. But the point is, I don't expect adventure in my own pathetic little
mess of a personal life. Adventure is something Vinnie and our cheap
pack of writers and hack directors and I invent and then present to the
forgiving masses as entertainment.
Still, in the back of my mind, something about my
present situation reminded me of the time in Dragonfly Madness when the corrupt
Harrigan Matre's henchmen (who were themselves the Demon-spawn of the Dark Chop-man)-anyway,
I was reminded of the time these guys had surrounded brave Tran Le just before
they jumped him. Not a good sign, and then, just about when I decided I'd
better be doing something about that-oops, it was too late.
I never had a chance. I'm near-sighted and, even
with my Calvin designer eyeglasses, I have terrible peripheral vision. So I
didn't actually see the cold and heavy object that struck me on the side of the
head. And after that, I suppose I slumped to the ground without saying anything
significant or even out loud. Suppose, but wouldn't really know.