CONTENTS

 

We’re Ugly and We Own It – David Turnbull

Alternate Endings – Rie Sheridan Rose

Wicked Heart – Gina Easton

Who’s Afraid? – Liam Spinage

Beauty Within The Briar – Rie Sheridan Rose

Becoming – Jason R Frei

The Cindy Killer Story - Stuart Holland

Unlicensed To Live – Dan Allen

Beautiful Wickedness – Brooke MacKenzie

The Head Above The Gate – Rie Sheridan Rose

A Reward of Summer Sweets – Aaron Padley

In Eiger Wild Wood – Geoff Nelder

Arsenic and Red Leather – Jason R Frei

Lord of the Dance – Liam Spinage

Chains of Straw – Rie Sheridan Rose

Little Red Cyber Head – Gary Budgen

Collector of Teeth – Travis Mushanski

 

 

We’re Ugly and We Own It

 

David Turnbull

 

“You know what they call us, don’t you?” said Grizelda, applying copious amounts of rouge to her cheeks.

Euphemia nudged her sister to one side to steal a better share of the mirror. “Who are they?”

“Absolutely everyone who’s anyone,” replied Grizelda, nudging vigorously to regain her lost territory. “The ugly sisters. That’s what they call us.”

Euphemia froze holding a false eyelash between her thumb and her forefinger like a stiff dead spider. She turned to her sister. “Ugly?”

Grizelda nodded solemnly.

“We’re not ugly!” cried Euphemia, glancing cautiously at her reflection from the corner of her eye.

“I know,” said Grizelda. “How ridiculous is that?”

“At least they haven’t forgotten us completely,” said her sister. “At least they still talk about us.”

“I suppose that is some sort of consolation,” agreed Grizelda. “But when was the last time we received an invited to a ball or a banquette?”

“Who cares,” huffed Euphemia. “If an invitation arrived today, I don’t think I’d even bother to open it.”

Grizelda caught the nostalgic look in her sister’s tear-filled eye. “You miss it all as much as I do.”

Euphemia nodded, stifling a sob. “Those were the days, sister.”

They both fell into a subdued silence.

 

***

 

“I’ve been thinking,” said Grizelda later, as they sat by the fireside, sipping cups of sweet tea and toasting muffins. “The only reason anyone remembers us at all is because she is our stepsister.”

“I suppose,” agreed Euphemia. “Once she gets herself pregnant, we’re going to be forgotten altogether. People go just as crazy about a royal birth as they do about a royal wedding – even if they do end up paying more taxes to cover all the pomp and ceremony of the Christening.”

Grizelda blew on her tea and took a rather unladylike gulp. “You think?”

“I know,” said Euphemia.

“It’s going to be simply awful then,” moaned Grizelda.

“Unless we do something.”

“Like what?”

“Keep their attention. Move the focus back to where it belongs. Make sure they can’t forget us.”

“How?”

“There are things we could do.”

“Like what?” asked Grizelda and polished off her tea.

Inexplicably Euphemia started to snigger.

“What?”Grizelda asked again.

Euphemia’s snigger turned to an uncontrolled giggle. Her shoulders jerked up and down. Her plump, powdered bosoms jiggled as she pointed at Grizelda’s face.

“What?” demanded Grizelda. “What is it?”

“Take a look at yourself,” said Euphemia.

Grizelda stood up and looked at herself in the mirror above the fireplace. Her lipstick had smeared over her face, giving her lips an oddly lopsided look. She pulled out her handkerchief and began to dab it away. “Thank God no one saw. They really could have called me ugly with good reason.”

“That’s it!” cried Euphemia.

“What?” cried Grizelda.

“Where do you keep your razor?”

Euphemia had leapt to her feet and was pacing impatiently up and down.

“My razor?” asked Grizelda, affecting a confused look.

“The one you use to shave the stubble on your chin,” said Euphemia.

Grizelda looked mortally offended. “I do not have stubble on my chin.”

“But you do have a razor though,” insisted Euphemia.

Grizelda accepted defeat.

“It’s beside the mug in the bathroom.”

“Go fetch it!” said Euphemia. “We’re going to shave our heads!”

“Why ever would we do that? We’ll look…”

Euphemia waited for the penny to drop.

Grizelda blinked.

“Ugly!” she cried.

“Exactly!” said Euphemia. “They want ugly, we’ll damned well give them ugly.”

 

***

 

That afternoon they pranced through the market square - bald as coots - sunlight sparkling against their shiny, shaven heads. Neither of them had been all that proficient with the razor, so they both had smatterings of crusty red nicks littering their scalps. The added drama and mystery of these minuscule wounds caused heads to turn as they passed by.

Little gossiping clusters of young ladies formed in their wake. What had happened? Who had done this? Were they afflicted with some sort of terrible malady that had caused all their hair to drop out? The sisters weren’t telling. Painted lips pressed smugly together as they smirked surreptitiously to each other.

On Grizelda’s urging they stopped a while by a hat stand and teased everyone into thinking that they were about to make purchases to cover their audacious baldness. Then they moved on, strolling down one side of the market and back up the other, gathering a burgeoning perfumed posse that matched their every step.

At last, when they were sure they’d done enough to set tongues wagging, they turned to make their departure – knowing, without a single glance backwards, that absolutely everyone was talking about them.

They sashayed back home, so engrossed by their own conceit they remained completely oblivious to the conditions which prevailed for the ordinary townsfolk. The filthy hovels the poor lived in, the beggars – crippled and blind from disease, the poverty stricken mothers with bawling babes in their arms and malnourished kids at their feet, the bent and consumptive old men.

“If I had my way you’d be tarred and feathered as well as having your heads shaved,” said a voice from behind.

They swung around to find themselves face to face with a fiery looking woman. Thicket of unruly red hair, wild blue eyes, grimy overcoat, hem in tatters about her knees. She carried a bundle of pamphlets bearing the image of Till Eulenspiegel, the trickster who was fomenting insurrection and revolutionary fervour amongst the masses.

“You know why they call you the ugly sisters?” the woman spat. “Because you’re ugly in here.” She jabbed a grimy finger against the front of her head. “And in here.” She thumped a fist against her chest. “Just like all of the pampered classes.”

“How dare you speak to us like that!” Euphemia spat back. “Do you know who our sister is?”

“Hah,” sneered the woman, tossing her head. “You weren’t calling her your sister when she was cleaning out the cinders. Pity she’s she forgotten where she came from. From where I’m standing, she’s become pretty damn ugly on the inside too.”

“We could have you hung for treason,” said Grizelda.

“Day will come when you and all your kind will swing from nooses,” said the woman, jerking her hand above her head as if pulling on a rope.

“Come on, sister,” said Euphemia. “Ignore her. She’s mentally afflicted.”

Together they hurried away.

“Go on,” yelled the woman. “Run home to mummy and daddy. Do you know how many of these people could have a roof over their heads in that big house?

 

***

 

By the time they reached home they had pushed the incident to the back of their minds. It wasn’t important to them. What was important was the impact their attention-grabbing stunt had on the real people. The people who actually counted, rather than the unwashed masses.

“That was brilliant!” cried Grizelda, hanging her coat behind the door.

“Exceptional!” agreed Euphemia. “Did you see the looks on their faces?”

Grizelda nodded. “We’re the talk of the town.”

“All thanks to me,” said Euphemia.

“To you?”

“Of course,” said Euphemia, running her hand over her scabby baldness. “It was my idea.”

“Was not!”

“Was too! I came up with the entire plan!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Liar!”

Euphemia’s face turned purple. “Who are you calling a liar?” she screamed. “Who was it that told you to go and fetch your razor?”

“Well, I’m the ugliest for sure!” Grizelda yelled back. “It was mostly me they were looking at!”

“Was not!”

“Was too!”

The sound of something being pushed through the letterbox and landing on the doormat made them both turn round. They looked down at the gold embossed envelope at their feet.

“Did we just have a right old ding-dong?” asked Grizelda.

“I reckon we did,” replied Euphemia.

“Felt good, didn’t it?” sighed Grizelda. “Just like the old days.”

“Better than good,” agreed Euphemia, picking up the envelope.

She tore it open with her varnished thumbnail and pulled out the scented pink card.             She coughed to clear her throat and then read the words on the card.

 

Miss Henrietta Montague

Requests the company of the sisters

Euphemia and Grizelda

on the occasion of her 21st birthday

Tonight - 7.30pm

RSVP

 

“Why did she put your name first?” complained Grizelda.

“Never mind that,” said Euphemia, waving the card in her face. “You know what this means, don’t you?”

Grizelda shrugged her shoulders.

“We’re back, sister!” cried Euphemia. “People want to see us! People want to be seen with us!”

Grizelda brushed the card away with the back of her hand.

“You’re not considering accepting, are you?”

“Why wouldn’t we?”

“I can’t stand Henrietta Montague. She’s a stuck-up little floozy.”

Euphemia folded the card.

“Henrietta Montague is in with the in crowd,” she said firmly.

“You were the one who said she wouldn’t even open an invite if one arrived!” spat Grizelda.

“I’ve changed my mind,” said Euphemia.

“Well, I most certainly will not be coming with you!”

“Oh, yes you will!”

“Oh, no I won’t!”

“I’m replying right now,” insisted Euphemia, barging past her sister. “I’m going to accept on behalf of both of us.”

“No, you won’t!” yelled Grizelda, making a grab for the card. “Don’t you dare put my name on that reply!”

“Will too!” screeched Euphemia, fighting her off.

They wrestled and tussled along the hall. Finally, Euphemia broke free and made a dash for the drawing room. Grizelda gave chase spluttering with fury. Barely an inch ahead of her, Euphemia slammed the door. There was a loud crash, followed by a howl of agony from the hallway.

Somewhat guiltily Euphemia opened the door a crack and peeked out. Grizelda was doubled over, hands covering her face, blood gushing through the spaces in her fingers. “You slabbed the door in by face,” she groaned nasally. “I think you’b broken by dose.”

“Oh my God!” cried Euphemia. “I’ll fetch a towel. Hold your head back. No - wait. You’ll choke on the blood if you do that. Hold your head forward. Is that right? I can never remember. Is it backwards or forwards for a nosebleed?”

“Shud ub,” whimpered Grizelda, oozing all over the carpet. “Ged a towel before I bleed to death.”