DAY ONE
Chapter 1
At one-thirty in the
afternoon, the sun in late June fills the Central Florida sky with blinding
neon, forcing motorists and pedestrians to scramble for awnings, beach
umbrellas, baseball caps, heavily tinted windows, and polarized sunglasses.
Orange Avenue, loud and just
as chaotic as it was two hours earlier, when I'd left
my office for an early lunch, remained chaotic with constant bumper-to-bumper
traffic.
I usually don't
take two hours for lunch, but the morning had dragged on like a half-smashed
cockroach. Rather than sit at my desk, waiting for a prospective client to pop
on in, I decided to get up for a change of scenery. Besides, I hadn't had much breakfast, and my empty stomach was
irritating me even more than my empty office.
Smilin' Susie's, my favorite
breakfast eatery, had recently hired a new waitress,
who turned out to be a babe. Everyone who knows me will tell you that I've always been a sucker for new babes. Now that I'm thinking about it, even used babes have been known to
make me act like a clueless idiot.
This new waitress,
however, was hands-off. The sad fact was that she truly was a babe, with
everything going for her-long, flowing blond hair, big blue eyes, dimples, and
a body with enough curves to make any guy lose his equilibrium. Her calves
looked great in spite of the white orthopedic shoes
she wore. To make matters worse, her name tag said Miranda-a name most
guys dream about.
Everything about her was sexy,
classy, and top of the line.
The deal-breaker was the huge
glittering rock she wore on the third finger of her left hand.
In other words, breakfast was
great despite the frustration of dealing with a waitress
I couldn't even flirt with.
Just one block away, my tiny
office, where I run my one-man detective agency, awaited my return. It was
normally a three-minute walk. However, on this particular
occasion, I knew even before I reached the end of the block that my trip
back was going to take slightly longer than three minutes.
A rental car filled with
foreigners had stopped abruptly at the curb right in front of me.
It's irritating when a vehicle stops right in front of you, blocking
your way. It's also irritating when its passengers are
all chattering away loudly at you, and even worse when they're doing it in a
foreign language. I've lived in Florida most of my
life and have heard just about every known language in the civilized world, but
I had no earthly idea where this batch was from. They were all yelling at
once--which made this even more frustrating. I couldn't
tell anything about them by their clothes--tourists usually dress as if they'd
just crawled out of a Goodwill donation box. Both sexes wore tank tops and
bright-colored shorts. I also saw giant-rimmed sunglasses beneath their visors
and two Mickey Mouse hats. A heavy cloud of B.O. mixed with cigarettes, coffee
and cheap aftershave gushed out through the open window.
I knew better than try out my
old high school French. Last year, when I was approached
by a Frenchman, I tried giving him directions to Disney in French. He
immediately stormed off, ranting in his own language, and flipping me the bird.
Later that evening, when I consulted Google Translate to check out what I'd really said, I discovered that I'd mispronounced a few
words, used the wrong verbs, and put the sentence in the wrong order. I'd actually told him that I wanted to disgrace myself in
his pocket.
A few months ago, I tried the same thing with a tourist in his native
Spanish. When he tried running me over with his rental, I knew I must have
messed up again. Consulting the translate site once again, I found out that I'd told him his sister liked to watch me blow my nose.
Since then, I decided to just
listen and see what turned up. When I heard them blurt out a familiar word or
two, I quickly discovered that this case would be fairly easy.
"Diss-nee" was one of the obvious clues. "Oonee-versai Shtoo-dios"
also clearly suggested the source of their dilemma.
However, the long line of traffic waiting nervously behind them warned me
of impending doom, suggesting I handle this problem as quickly as possible. Many of the drivers had already begun tapping their horns
and yelling loudly. Since the yelling penetrating the atmosphere was in
English, I had no problem understanding. Things were about to get ugly.
The tourists continued
chattering away, eager to get to their destination. I'd
been in this situation many times before. With most tourists, you don't have to say anything. All you have
to do is point. They're usually so excited and
in so much of a hurry that they'll zip away long before you've finished trying
to help them.
I made a few
quick gestures with my hands, pointing straight ahead, toward the south. I then
held up three fingers and flicked my right thumb to my right, indicating west.
My instincts quickly proved
right-on. The driver grinned and nodded eagerly. They all yelled "danke!"
and "merci!" simultaneously. The driver raised his arm and waved, and
another pungent miasma of B.O. swept toward me. The rental car squeaked away
from the curb and slipped recklessly through the red light amidst another
chorus of angry honking.
Satisfied peace had just been restored, I sighed in relief. Despite the two dozen or
so frustrated drivers all caught helplessly at the red light, life could
resume.
I stepped down from the curb
and crossed the street.
A couple of minutes later, I
reached my block. The strip mall buzzed with activity in front of the liquor
store one door down, the Chinese restaurant on the far side of the building,
and the tee shirt shop on the other side of my office. Only one vehicle was parked in front of my place. That was, of course, my
classic black '75 TransAm. As I approached the heavy glass door, the three
empty chairs lined up against my storefront window warned me of another quiet,
unprofitable afternoon. But as soon as I pulled the door open, I saw that my
office wasn't quite empty.
A female with a shock of fiery
red hair sat at my desk, watching me curiously.
***
Under normal circumstances, I should
have welcomed the intrusion.
After all, I hadn't had a client in two weeks. Coming back from lunch and
finding a prospective client in my office should be a good thing. Especially
when the prospective client happened to be a cute redhead.
However, this wasn't the case. The cute redhead sitting in my chair was no
more than twelve or thirteen years old.
I've never been a great fan of kids. They were always loud and unruly,
and walked around angry all the time. I'd never wanted
kids and was grateful that my ex-wife Phil never wanted any, either. I hadn't liked being around them since I was a kid myself and
saw no fondness for them as I grew older.
It was no wonder that I found
it difficult to keep from grabbing her by the scruff of the neck, picking her
up and tossing her outside.
Knowing that would most likely get me arrested, I tried staring her down. It
worked for some, especially when I used my squinty-eyed,
Clint Eastwood technique. However, others just weren't
smart enough to get the message. They'd ask if
something was wrong with my eyes-or if I needed glasses.
In this case, she stared back
at me for a little while. Then she said, "Got something in your eye?"
I decided right then that I
should try a more sensible tactic.
"Like some coffee?"
She wrinkled her nose.
"How about a drink?"
She gawked at me as if I were some laboratory experiment that had gone bad. "I'm fourteen."
She obviously didn't catch the irony. I reminded myself that my brilliant
wit was oftentimes lost on less gifted individuals. I wasn't surprised in this instance. The last couple of
generations had turned out a batch of strange, often clueless individuals who
seemed to zone out automatically when dealing with actual people. If you weren't one of their Facebook friends or a name in their
address book, they looked at you as if cockroaches were crawling out of your
ears.
In any event, she hadn't scored any points with me. And the fact that she was
sitting at my desk didn't exactly make me want to add
her to my Christmas card list-even if I had one.
"I don't know if you're aware
of this, but you're in my seat."
She regarded me curiously, as
someone would watch some alien micro-organism swimming
around in a test tube. She didn't get up, and I could
tell she had no intention of doing so.
I had to convince her I was
serious. She was a cute kid, with the biggest blue eyes I'd
ever seen. Judging by her thick red hair and pretty face, I was confident she'd turn into a genuine babe in just a couple of years.
But she wasn't
a babe right now, and that realization alone brought me to my senses. She was a
bratty kid sitting where she shouldn't be sitting and
daring me to do something about it.
Whether she knew it or not, she'd come to the wrong place and was showing her butt to
the wrong guy. Since I hadn't been able to drum up any
business in a while, I was in no mood for bullshit--especially from a skinny
midget with big blue eyes, great hair, and a bad attitude.
Even so, I decided to put my
frustration aside for the moment and try a more civilized approach. "Like I
just said, you're in my seat. I'd really appreciate it if you stopped what you
were doing and got out of it."
Still no reply.
"Listen...I don't know what you're
doing here, but like I just said--"
"I came to tell you about a
possible crime."
Her statement stopped me right
in my tracks. That simple explanation hadn't occurred
to me. I'd been so focused on her invading my personal
space that I never once considered why she'd come here in the first place.
"Really?" I knew that sounded
kind of lame, but she'd caught me off-guard, and I
found that I was at a loss for words.
"You're a detective,
aren'tcha?"
"That's what the sign says on
the door..."
Those big blue eyes drifted
down my shirt before climbing back up to my face. If she'd
been fifteen years older, I would have enjoyed the once-over.
But she wasn't
fifteen years older--she was a little girl. Someone's daughter. She was just a
scrawny little kid barely in high school. I probably had
scars older than she was.
It was time to get down to
business. I jabbed a thumb at the chair facing the desk. "You really need to be
sitting in that chair."
"Why?"
Damn, she was irritating... "Listen...and try to absorb this. This is my
office and that's my desk. I might sound a little
old-fashioned, but while I'm sitting there, it kind of makes me feel like I'm
the one in charge-get it?"
"Isn't the person hiring you
the one in charge?"
"You're really pushing my
buttons, girl..."
She didn't
reply right off, but I could tell she was thinking up a good zinger.
"You really haven't told me
the actual reason why you came here, have you?"
"I just said I did. Weren't
you listening?"
"Yeah. I had my listening ears
on. I even had them plugged in."
"Then why don't you believe
me?"
"You've been busting my chops
ever since I came back."
"Why? Because I'm sitting in
your stupid chair?"
"Yeah, because of that. And by the way, don't say anything bad about my chair. She
and I go way back."
"She? Seriously?"
"He would sound
weird-don't you think?"
She didn't
reply. I think I was beginning to confuse her.
"So...now that we've got
everything straightened out, you can leave and go find someone else to
antagonize."
She crossed her arms over her
skinny chest and glared. "Name one reason why you don't believe me."
"You're too young."
"What's that have to do with
anything?"
"I don't trust kids."
"Weren't you a kid once?"
"That's why I don't trust
them."
"Figures..."
"If you really came here to
report a crime, you would've already done it by now. You wouldn't be sitting in
my chair, arguing with me..."
"Why else would I be here?"
She looked around. "It's not exactly a cool place to be, ya know. You don't have a TV. You don't even
have a cold drink or snack machine for someone to use while they wait for you
to come back from your super long lunch. And unless you're
a dweeb that likes watching traffic, the view isn't exactly first-rate,
either."
I wouldn't
have believed it possible, but she was getting even more irritating. I began
wondering who I'd pissed off lately. It would take
much too long to go through the complete list. Pissing off people was what I
did, and I did it well. I considered myself an expert. But I wasn't
in the mood for this. "I must have pissed off someone bad enough for
them to send over a bratty kid as a practical joke..."
"You're really cold, Mister..."
"I get that a lot."
She finally got up and circled
the desk. She went over to the chair and plopped down. She wasn't
quite five feet tall and weighed maybe eighty pounds. She wore faded jeans and
a turquoise tank top with a batch of glittering silver stars on the back, and
her bushy red hair was tied in a thick ponytail ending
a couple of inches below her shoulder blades. A cluster of tiny freckles peppered
her cheekbones, but you couldn't see them unless you
were really close. She really was pretty. I figured she'd
be a knockout in two or three years.
But judging by her manner and
her attitude, I didn't think she'd make it.
She shrugged. "Better?"
"I don't feel like doing a
cartwheel or breaking out in a chorus of Kumbaya, but yeah, I'm reasonably
satisfied." I sat down and pushed my chair closer. She'd
moved my pen and doodle pad a couple of inches from their usual place on the
blotter. I didn't like people touching my stuff, but I
repositioned them silently, without making nasty faces or even giving her a
quick glare.
"You always take two hours for
lunch?"
"Listen, kid--"
"It's almost two." She glanced
at the clock on the wall to my right. "I got here just after one. I've been
waiting ever since."
"I had a slow morning. I needed
a change of scenery."
"You should've left a note or
something."
Now she was making me feel
guilty for being out of the office. I thought once again about tossing her out
into the street. This time, I smiled at the image.
"What's so funny?"
No need to tell her what I was
thinking.
"Listen. Kid... You need to show
a little respect when you talk to grownups."
"I hear that a lot--usually
from my dad."
"You should pay attention to him."
"So...where were you for
two hours?"
"Kid, you're too damned young to be judging people. Once you're
old enough to venture out on your own, then you can start your own business and
take as long as you like for lunch."
"You could've missed out on
other clients while you were gone so long..."
"Kid, don't you have to be
anywhere else right now? School, maybe? Boot camp, perhaps?"
"Boot camp?"
"I'm just grasping at straws."
"Why Boot camp?"
"It's where kids go when-"
"I know what it is. I'm not out of control. And school's
been out for over a week. And by the way, I'm Tabby--not
kid."
"Is that short for Tabitha?"
"No one calls me that."
"Tabby? Or Tabitha?"
"I just said--"
"Listen...Tabitha--"
"Tabby..."
"Whatever. I'm going to ask
you this once again, and this time I don't want any bull, all right?"
"You can say bullshit. I've heard it a zillion
times before. My dad uses it. My mom, too-especially when she's pissed."
"Watch your language. Just
tell me why you're here so you can go. I've got stuff to
do."
She watched me for a few moments and frowned. "How old are you?"
"What?"
"They keep telling me people
get hard of hearing when they reach a certain age."
"For your information, I've
heard every damned word you've said, thank you very much."
"Then why do you keep asking
me why I'm here even after I keep telling you why I'm here?"
"Let me say it once more and
leave it at that: I don't believe you're here to report a crime."
"But it's true."
"You're really here to report
a crime?"
"Yeah."
"A real crime?"
She sent over another glare.
"You mean, did I see a crime actually happen? Or am I imagining it?"
Her directness caught me
off-guard. This girl was gonna cause a bunch of problems for a bunch of people
when she started out on her own. "I didn't say that, but yeah, that explanation'll
do."